statement

i think doubts are

bound to rise on occasions when u feel u are not wanted. what do u say? of course u might have never got any doubts because u were our precious baby from the very first. but doubts are there.

how can one ask certain questions when they will only mean raising cain in yourself? total depression. last time it happened there was someone to briefly give respite and perhaps hope and smile for everyday, but that was ephemeral . gave ideas for the book a too and was exciting and fun while it lasted. woh khatra tal gaya, callie but now new nightmares not exactly but definitely depressing ideas keep cropping up.

am i the only one he had sex with?

does he try to meet all these women on his chat and internet list?

what is he trying to do? trying to chat up the young women, with no regrets and care for us?

may or may not be an affair but where does this lead to? trying to known for his charm? bah!

these are terrible times and after finding his cousin hugging him or vice versa certainly a very unhealthy mind and environment, i don't know if i feel upto anything. sometimes i think i will ignore him but that is so housewifely. i may not be working but self respect hi koi cheez hoti hai. i wish how i wish u were there with me or best i was there with u. until i finish thses 3 responsibilities or should i call them labour of love, i cannot go anywhere not even to be mad. though i feel i will go mad soon. whose agenda is this i wonder, i am sure my parents and in laws will be happy to see the last of me. what more can be said sadder for a person than this that she had never been loved or wanted by anyone she knew except maybe her dogs and dreams.

Bridges

From the day we met , i should have started preparing mentally for your ETD but mind was so ecstatically joyful that it could not have accepted the existence of sad farewells.Even now as I stare at your images (now all that i have left of you ) I wonder at the thought that I will not be seeing for the rest of my life.

A friend for life I had wished and when you left wished to leave too for there is no one else in your place in my heart and the whole place echoes in silence waiting for a sound from you.

every song i hear i hear myself sing to you in the hope that wherever you are you will hear and know that where you have gone you will know yourself not to be alone and unwanted. you are wanted today as much as on the first day when you refused to come to me and instead stayed with papu. so i called you papu's callie and he misses you as much and more.

i know callie i hurt you in the end though you would have been last to think and say so. instead when I did reach you, you wagged your tail even though you were in extreme pain . you knew me even then through your mind numbing pain. How can i forgive myself?